.. a year later.
Dear Mom,
It seems a little weird writing to you, given the fact that you’re dead and all. (and, yes, I’ve been having my Cipram regularly!)
I can’t believe it’s been a year since you’ve been gone. It seems like just yesterday, me making you cottage cheese sandwiches.. you complaining that your soup wasn’t warm enough.
You always told me life is difficult. I don’t think I ever quite realized just how difficult till I lost you. And, my GOD, has it been difficult! The last year’s probably been the worst time of my life. But you know what Mom, I’ve made it!
I have changed forever and for the better. Al the things you used to tell me, finally make sense. The ongoing pain in the pit of my stomach is something I battle with on a daily basis. I miss you, Mom. I miss you like anything. And while I know you’re gone and that this is it, this is a natural part of life .. there’s a part of me that wishes this was some cruel nightmare that I’m just going to magically wake up. The look on your face, the strength that made you who you were, from when you were being wheeled into the OR for the last time (and, really, the last time I saw you conscious) is forever burnt in my soul. You were never ever afraid and I so proudly tell everyone that.
Looking back at your life, I don’t know how you handled it all. And that, too, with a smile and such dignity. How you took over as mom and dad, after dad passed away. How you planned our finances and investments. My various medical issues couldn’t have helped and must’ve been so incredibly difficult for you. But not once did you show any form of frustration or sadness. You knew you had to hold it together for Maryam and me.
What I thought was safe, secure and known when you were here a year a go, is not anymore. And I’m scared, Mom. I am struggling with the various decisions I’m faced with. But I will never give up. Just like you never did. I’m going to make you so proud of me.
I love you .. and always will!
Bilal
